


Deep-Seated Blame

by My_Beautiful_Idiot



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Beautiful_Idiot/pseuds/My_Beautiful_Idiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They all blame someone for what happens to Spencer. It's human nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JJ

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't going to be very good. Trust me, it's literally just words from my head onto the page.  
> The idea is that I'm going to have a short chapter on each character with their thoughts at the time of Spencer's abduction.  
> I've never written for any of these characters before, so bare with- kay?  
> Self-beta'd. Feel free to leave tips on how to improve :)

It was her fault. _Her_ fault. If she'd just thought for a second and told him no, they should stick together then maybe he'd still be here.

She still sees the dogs when she closes her eyes. Why is she even out in the field? What's the point of her being in the FBI if she can't keep her head in situations like these? Spencer's been taken, and she can feel it’s her fault. She attempts to reassure herself, to close her eyes and she him again, when he’s okay. But when she closes her eyes the Spencer in her mind transforms into a monster- huge teeth and red eyes- and the tears come to her again.

“You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don’t you?” she says. She doesn’t mean for it to sound as if she’s attacking him. Disappointment radiates from Derek, and she wants to hear him say it. _Because I do_ , she thinks. No- she knows. She needs to hear someone else say it.

“I just want _someone_ to tell me the truth!”

“The truth is one of you is here and one of you isn’t,” he replies. “You have to figure the rest out for yourself.”

I _asked for the truth, Derek. Not some off handed response that means bugger all._

She scoffs, tries to brush it off, but the dagger has already set itself in her heart.

 _My fault_  she repeats.

My _fault_.

"I'm so sorry, Spence," she whispers. "I'm so sorry."


	2. Emily Prentiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long has she known him now? A few months? 
> 
> They haven’t talked much, apart from on cases and such, but he’s a sweet kid. 
> 
> So why does it feel like there’s a chunk of herself missing?"
> 
> Emily's thoughts are only with Reid that first night, and she begins to wonder who she blames.

How long has she known him now? A few months?

They haven’t talked much, apart from on cases and such, but he’s a sweet kid.

So why does it feel like there’s a chunk of herself missing?

Perhaps it’s just the team dynamic; she can feel the shift in the air. There have been moments over the past few hours where she’s _certain_ they’ve all thought “Reid would have made a comment there” or “He’d have a statistic for that”.

There are points where she thinks _maybe this is all too much?_ But she makes sure those happen when she’s alone. They can’t know she has doubts. So she goes into the bathroom and she splashes water on her face and she tells herself that he’s going to be fine; that they’ll save him; that he’s so brave, and smart as hell; he’ll get through this.

That’s when the whispers kick in.

_But at what cost?_

_You don’t go through that and not lose a part of yourself,_ she thinks. She points out to herself that she should know. But they can’t know that. Not yet.

_Pull yourself together, Emily_. She stares at herself in the mirror. There are huge bags under her eyes; she hasn’t slept. Hotch said to get some rest, for there’s nothing they can do tonight. But the thought of Reid with that guy just makes her skin crawl.

Why did this have to happen? To him, to Reid, of all people?

A rage suddenly boiled through her, and in her mind she started picking apart her team, trying to point the finger of blame.

At first it landed on Hotch, for he sent them out there- if he hadn’t Reid wouldn’t be in this mess right now- but she cast it aside; Hotch didn’t know, how could he know? None of them knew. So perhaps Derek? Or JJ? Or- well, Reid figured it out when they were there. Why didn’t they come back? Send one of them to get cell service so the team could arrive as soon as possible? My _God_ , how could he be so naïve? She kicks the sink, suddenly frustrated at him. Maybe it _was_ his fault he’s in this mess.

No, she can’t think like that. She can’t point the finger of blame, especially not at him, for really there is no one to blame. It's not her right. She sits down on the bathroom floor, and takes a deep breath, trying to dispel the tears that now prick at her eyes, causing them to sting.

“We will find you,” she quietly says aloud. “We will bring you home.”

And for a moment she believes it.


	3. Derek Morgan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek struggles to get a grip on the situation. He's drowning, and for hours, all he feels is rage.

For hours, all Derek feels is rage.

“I want this guy’s head on a stick.”

When the stream dies, he smashes his hand into the door, and storms outside. He needs some air. _God,_ he just wants to be able to breathe again. But he can’t. Not until Reid is safe. Not until he’s home.

His mind slips back to thinking about him on the stream. That son of a bitch- he’s a kid; why him? He yells out in pain and kicks an old rusted bicycle on the ground, which promptly breaks on impact. He feels the pain spike through his foot, but he ignores it. Nothing compares to the pain of having to find Reid, of knowing what he must be going through.

He calms down a little, and makes his way back inside. The team manages to profile Tobias and his father a little more, but soon it gets dark, and Hotch tells JJ to try get some rest. She looks like hell.

In the kitchen, Morgan’s thoughts turn to Reid again (they never really left him); he tries to justify the events, but comes up short. Why him? The question runs around his head over and over, until it hits another one; _why not me?_

“It’s funny,” JJ breathes, and Derek wishes she’d go rest. “I keep thinking, the one thing we need to crack this case is, uh...” she inclines her head, and he sees all the guilt on her face. “Well, Reid.” She laughs, but it’s humourless. He can’t deal with her guilt, with her emotions, he just-

“You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don’t you?”

 _Please Jennifer,_ he implores in his head. _Not right now. I can’t deal with your guilt. I’m drowning myself._

“I can tell that’s what you’re thinking, so...”  

“I just wanna get Reid home safe.” True, but maybe it was her fault.

“But, if I’d had his back,” _JJ stop please-_ “like I was supposed to, he’d be here now.” Also true, but Derek can feel that chord of anger about to snap, and he doesn’t want to take it out on her. Not on any of them.

“JJ, what do you want from me?” _Blame? I can give you blame, but it wouldn’t be right._

“I just want _someone_ to tell me the truth!” she yells, and Derek has to use everything he’s got to make sure he doesn’t take his anger out on her.

“The truth is one of you is here and one of you isn’t,” he manages to say. “You have to figure the rest out for yourself.”

He leaves then, and he has to take a second to breathe. Blame her? No, he can’t blame her. He can’t blame Reid either. He can’t _blame_ anyone. So he puts his head in his hands and he wonders why it couldn’t be him?

_Why Reid?_

_Why not me?_


	4. Penelope Garcia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has to find a way to stay strong at Reid's time of need.

How do they do this?

Almost everyday, or every week even, she watches them go out on that jet of theirs to the other side of the country so they can hunt down the bad guys and put them away. And every time she watches them go and she sits at her screens looking at the crime scene photos and digging into their suspects’ lives and hoping and praying that her babies will come home to her safe.

So her heart almost shattered when they called her and told her to get on the next plane out.

“Why? What’s going on?” She listens to Morgan’s heavy breathing on the line.

“Our unsub, Tobias Hankel, has a large computer set up here and we need you to hack it, baby girl,” he replies, but it’s wrong. He’s too tense.

“No, no, no, Derek, I can hear something’s wrong,” she sits forward in her chair, suddenly fiddling with the pen she’s holding just a little bit more. “What’s going on?”

A heavy sigh. _Oh no, this is_ not _good._

“He has Reid, Penelope.” _No._ “Tobias has Reid.” _No, oh God, no!_

She lets out a shaky breath, trying to keep herself together even though she knows she’s already falling apart.

“I’m on my way,” she says, and hangs up.

Hours later and she’s in the bright sunshine of Georgia, in the middle of nowhere.

“Think of this house as a witness,” Hotch says as she arrives. “If it could talk, what would it tell us?”

“My guess is it would tell us to get the hell out.”

More hours past. She helps in the profile a little, does a little digging, but there isn't much there. She tries to find more things to do, but comes up short in everything she tries. Her mind flicks back to Reid. He must be so scared. That’s when the screens go black.

“Oh my God...” There he was; beaten and bloody and so, so rough. _Oh my love- Reid, no!_

“I want this guy’s head on a stick.” She only just hears Morgan say it; she’s too lost in a fit of deep worry for their boy genius.

The stream cuts out soon after, and Derek’s rage seems to radiate throughout the room, because she’s angry too.

_I’m gonna make this son of a bitch pay for what he’s doing; for what he’s done._

Once everyone leaves the room again, she pulls up what the computer recorded of the stream, and looks at his face; oh God... so innocent. He still looks so innocent.

“They’re coming for you, Reid,” she whispers quietly at the screen. “We are going to find you and bring you home; I promise you that. Just hang on.”

Determined and angry, she carries on working, blaming the bastard who took their boy.

 _We will find you,_ she keeps saying to herself.

_We will bring you home._


End file.
